Deep Dive Series: The Power of No and the Costs of Saying Yes
By Tana M. Mann Easton, Lead Efficiency Engineer
In last week’s blog post, I referenced the March 17th episode of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans with psychologist Sunita Sah about “How to Say No.” I wanted to highlight a powerful observation toward the end of that episode.
At one point Dr. Sah and the host are talking about the pitfalls of saying no and the costs of acts of defiance over time. For example, if you say no at work, a manager may seem initially supportive but then lay you off 6 months later. We need to learn how to be comfortable with the uncertainty of what can happen when we say no, but Dr. Sah reminds the host and all of us that the costs do not only exist when you say no. There are costs associated with compliance as well. If we consistently disregard our own values and bow down to others’ agendas instead of our own, it takes a toll on us. Living outside of our own authenticity increases chronic stress, burnout, dissatisfaction, inflammation, and other ailments. Acting contrary to our own values affects us physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually in harmful ways. Many of us forget about the costs of compliance as we fret over the price we might pay through defiance. Compliance contrary to our own values is not neutral. Betraying ourselves by saying yes when we want to say no creates continuous tension in our bodies/minds/spirits/lives that we have to sit with. So the next time you’re wrestling yourself trying to decide if you’ll actually say no to something that you know you should say no to, don’t discount or forget what saying yes will cost as well.
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Sincerely Yours,
Focus to Evolve Team