Thoughts I No Longer Waste Time On: What Will Other People Think?
By Tana M. Mann Easton, Lead Efficiency Engineer
In last week’s blog post, I wrote about living the sage advice now. When people are toward the end of their lives, they tend to give on-the-money, profound advice. Another piece of wisdom that our elders gift us a lot is, “I wish I had lived a life true to myself and not based on other people’s expectations.”
When I think of my own life, I feel like I’ve been pretty good at crafting a friend and family environment that is naturally supportive of me and my dreams for myself. And I’ve also been pretty good at marching to the beat of my own drum and doing what I think is best for my life despite what society/culture/people around me might think. But…I notice that as a mom, that little voice in my head that says I should care what other people think is much louder. I can bat aside any comments or advice aimed in my direction that I don’t agree with for me personally, but it’s harder to bat them away when it has to do with my child.
As a parent, I’ve noticed that we as a society have so many expectations on what children and mothers should be like. For example, mothers should be martyrs, never need personal time, take care of all household duties even if they contribute equally financially, always look presentable, should always be pleasant, must be perfect. And expectations for children are also prevalent. Children should be quiet and still especially in social settings, do what adults tell them without question, care about grades, respect authority without expecting any respect in return. When I became a mother, I noticed all of these cultural expectations that I had gleaned as I grew up in this society starting to cause me to act in ways that didn’t feel right to me. I knew I couldn’t be a martyr and never need personal time as a mom because I wouldn’t have the gas in my own tank to be as loving and patient as I wanted to be. I don’t want my son to never question adults and just do what he’s told all the time. I want him to be able to think critically and respectfully question anyone if he doesn’t understand something. So whenever I feel the friction between what I want from my life and for my family and what anyone else thinks I should want, I think of my wise elders that consistently say they wish they had listened to their own expectations rather than others’. And their regret for their life gives me strength to step into my truth in mine. And my hope is that their regret will also give you the strength to step into your own truth as well.
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Authentically Yours,
Focus to Evolve Team